I'm Scared

 I am scared.  And not just a little scared, but like gut-wrenching, I don't wanna go, what have you gotten us into kind of scared!  Frankly, I really don't even think I've ever been so scared about anything. Ever. 
What is dammed up in there?  What in the world is going to come out when I start facing the hard years?  Why can't I just...ugh!  All the questions...one answer.  His glory.  His glory. 
We are heading next week to The National Institute of Marriage.  An amazing place that was the beginning of marriage ministry for us.  This time, though, we are going - for us.  We're good, in fact we're great.  But we just never faced it all, our story.  The one with all the ragged edges that amazingly God has redeemed and now wants us to use for His purposes.
I am not even able to guess what needs dealing with, but I am certain now is the time to do it.  This time of "being still" that He has ordered.  It's preparation time, sifting, repairing, healing time.  I've been stuck for too long in Satan's trap of "we are ok now, never been stronger".  Not that it's not true, because really it is.  But when it comes time to speak it, to hear it, I can't do it, I simply can't do it.  I'm not strong enough (ouch, that's a little hard to admit).  But, it's true, I'm not.  I have no idea why.  I've never told our story - the whole story - to anyone, ever.  And the first time Lane shared it, something happened, I started breaking.  I can't even listen to him tell it, not to mention tell it myself.
Just today I read it:  "Everything your Father has for you — is over the fence of fear.".  So, I guess I'm jumping!  Taking this flying leap of faith, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is His will.  I covet your prayers.  I know He's got this, I know He does.  And I know soon I'll blog from the other side of this.  But for now, for a little while.  I'm scared.